If, when you first meet someone their smile alone could power you doing 50 laps around a race track, you're a goner! You think of them every possible minute and every moment is a countdown to the next time you meet. And when you are together, you are litterally high. Your brain is in endorphin production overdrive, and everything feels like a dream.
In this heightened state of aroused awareness, 'I love talking to you' can easily be interpreted as 'I love everything about you'. One of you is bound to do that more than the other, and that's when disaster can strike. After all, if you're both initially acknowledging that you're feeling really attracted to each other, how can you not get carried away?
This happened to me just recently with someone I've been attracted to for years but never knew felt the same. We spent a weekend together and had a wonderful time, and we both felt we were connecting on far more than just a physical level. In the days that followed, we spent litterally hours on the phone. We even went out and I met some of 'the' friends. It all seemed to be starting off on the best possible note: neither of us had just come out of a negative relationship, or seemed to have any baggage, and we had both clearly expressed an openness to whatever may come.
But then our paths diverged. I suddenly found myself wondering when our next chat would be when just a few days before we had spent hours on the phone. I felt sad and disappointed as I knew that those first few silences signaled the end of a romance that was never going to be.
I reviewed conversations we had over and over again, wondering if I'd perhaps said too much or too little. Anyway, we did eventually talk. It soon became clear that we were seeing things differently from quite early on. While I saw this as a potential for great love, I was perceived as a potential for a great friend. 'Great...' I thought sarcastically when I was told that.
I have continued to analyze this situation on a deeper level. Of course I could just walk away from it and think 'well, it just wasn't meant to be'. But that's never going to give me any insight.
I think we both had our part to play in getting carried away; we were planning a romantic weekend away before we had even spent another evening alone togehter! That much we're both to blame for. That weekend plan was at the core of our divergence of ideas about where we were heading.
Looking back, the way I spoke about the weekend might have made it seem as though I had certain expectations about how the weekend should be, especially on an intimate level. However, all I ever really wanted out of that weekend was just to spend time together.
And also, I could see that I was more keen on the weekend idea even when I could hear comments about how 'maybe this is too soon' but I continued to discuss it: denial was setting in...
Aside from who said what, it seems clear communication was lacking. But beneath that, there was also fear. Fear of what was seeming more and more like a fantasy not living up to its own expectations. Fear that this could be real commitment. Fear that the other person might not feel the same in the end. Fear of being vulnerable and intimate. Fear's destructiveness is no great mystery; but in order to vanquish it, we have to communicate it openly so that misconceptions can be aired out and dismissed. How else would it be possible to move on otherwise?
So perhaps this wasn't love; it was infatuation, attraction, and desire, and yes, there was a true connection. But as for real love, we might dream about it, but are we prepared to do what it takes to make it happen?
